I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
