Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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