the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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