bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
