Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
