my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
