you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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