whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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