I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize