just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
