Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like abortions should bother me more
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
