why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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