just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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