Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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