Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
