Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
