I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize