can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
