i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize