This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
