I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
