I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
