I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
