New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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