u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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