You smell like stripper and shame
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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