maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
