im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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