I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
