Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
