so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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