how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
