Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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