Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
