Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
