im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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