i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
