new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
