"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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