how can u be prego again
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize