Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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