Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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