i wish there were pregnant emoticons
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize