nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
