so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
