even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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