He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
