I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
