I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i out mim tonsoeep
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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