Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
