She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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