she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
