I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
