I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
