shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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