What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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