I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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