Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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