oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
