3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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