Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
