Do you still have your period?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
