Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
