it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
